February 24, 2011

On the joys/pains of being fifteen

Disclaimer: I'm assuming that my readers are all above fifteen. If you're not, then go offline before my dark and twisty cynicism seeps into your young minds and corrupts your innocence.

See T-Swizzle's lyrics here.

We all do remember how it's like to be fifteen, don't we? Young and bright and full of hope and thinking that having a boyfriend was the most important thing. Not to generalize, but at that age, the hardest questions are always something along the lines of, "Babalikan ko kaya siya?" or "Mahal niya din kaya ako?"

Sidebar. That's me, second to the left. I was fifteen or sixteen, and bright and shiny.
Also, if any of these guys are reading my blog, I miss you :*

I was fifteen when I had my first boyfriend.
He was from another school in Marikina and was a friend of my neighbor, who, incidentally I rejected. My neighbor was predictably pissed and he disapproved of the whole thing, which was crap because he's the one who set us up in the first place. However, we broke up quickly because a) the asshole stood me up on a date, and b) he slept with another girl.

Second boyfriend was quite a bit older than me and thus alarmed my family. I suffered their burning shame and outrage, and became the Kaimo black sheep (a label which, sadly, continues up to now). Broke up because the entire thing had blown up in our faces and we didn't want to stir the shit any more.

Third and most recent boyfriend was the only serious relationship I have had. He was any parent's wet dream: smart, responsible, well-off, from a decent family. I was fifteen and thought he was The One. I—nay, we—saw a white dress and picket fences and dreamed of settling down in Tagaytay. It was a rocky relationship that ended after less than two years, for reasons that I'm not gonna blab about because really, he's the only ex that I have a chance of being friends with again.

And I'm not even gonna talk about the numerous flings I have had.

Now, at eighteen, I'm a hardened cynic believing in nothing. There's no such thing as "forever". You can have as many monthsaries as you want, but it doesn't mean he won't cheat or fall out of love. Even a huge commitment like marriage doesn't mean that you're ensured of a happy relationship. I've been hurt enough times to realize that all the fairy tale promises we grew up with won't come true.
In the words of the great Chuck Palahniuk,
"Love is bullshit. Emotion is bullshit."

That said, I do miss the happy-bouncy-joyful feeling of being in love and actually believing in it. I hope the next Taylor Swift song of my life would be something along the lines of Crazier or Jump Then Fall.
And maybe the next time I'm in a relationship, I could actually be functional again.

If you're fifteen and reading this, I want you to know that any relationship you have right now is probably not gonna last. You won't wanna hear that, but it's true. And it's okay. It's life. There are bigger things out there for you. Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is not the best thing that can happen, and getting your heart broken is not the worst thing.

Or maybe you should stop listening to a washed-up, dried-up pessimist and live your life the way you want to.

1 comment:

  1. someday, someone's gonna sweep your feet away and blow all those negative thoughts you have about love. you're young ela. you have a loooooooooong way to go.


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